Long July Days


Summer daylight is long. The amount of light we have this time of year is both wonderful and exhausting. It makes me feel like I should be doing more to capitalize on the daylight, and some days I am. But other days, I can see both the weeds and the flowers — the beauty and the mess — and I take a step back to play extra with Speedy or eat a bowl of ice cream.

I’ve always been the type who heavily feels my to-do list. I am always behind on it; usually it’s not physically written down. But I often feel guilty that I’m not doing enough. My house is never clean and presentable, I should be volunteering more, how will I get the stains out of my carpet and Speedy’s shirts?, I need to clean the barn office, I’m behind on moving calves to new pens, blah, blah, blah.

The list could go on indefinitely. You get it, right? It’s hard to feel like you don’t measure up, even if there’s no one in particular you’re measuring aganist. I don’t let it make me unhappy though. I see my blessings clearly and know I live a life of more than plenty. I have a son who absolutely lights up my world. I take time to relax (or randomly fall asleep on the couch) because my body forces me to. 🙂 I’m fulfilled, but I just wish I could shake that ache of always feeling behind. Not doing enough. 

A few days ago my parents were in my living room, and as Speedy was running to and fro squealing with delight my dad remarked, “don’t forget that these are some of the best days of your life.”

I love that, and it sticks with me often as I look at my son. Only I don’t think the best days have to end as Speedy grows. I want to see each new day as one of the best days. Amid the balancing act of work and home demands I pray I can intentionally find those best moments and see the joy.

I haven’t written in a few weeks, so I’ll update you on another highlight that isn’t about stress or feeling guilty or pulling weeds. 😉

On July 1st I ran a 10K PR. Crazy, right?? It was cool for a July morning, and I laced up my shoes for a race in my hometown I try to run every year. One of my sisters was walking the 5K with her baby son and another volunteered to watch Speedy so I could run stroller-free. Now I had no excuse not to go for it. I tried to take the pace out easy, but race adrenaline does gets to me. A lot of my miles have been slow and aerobic lately with speedier efforts only here and there. Base building. I was running by feel though and not staring at a watch because I decided not to bring it. (I did start the GPS on my phone so I could over analyze later.) 

I know I kept pushing hard through mile 2 and had to back off a little by mile 3. I redeemed myself some from mile 5 to the finish, and I kept trying to gain ground and pass the lady in front of me. I didn’t quite get by her, but that hard effort the last few miles helped me finish with a time of 50:19.

If I would have realized how close I was to breaking 50:00 maybe I could have found an extra gear, but I doubt it. This race was a 19 second PR, and it was faster than I thought I was in shape to run. I admit in the WAY back of my mind I entertained thoughts of running close to 50 minutes if the weather was good, but that was mostly just optimism. I haven’t run a personal best since May of 2015 in the marathon, and my previous 10K best dated back to 2013. It was such an amazing feeling to realize that 15 months post-baby I attacked this race and ran 6.2 miles faster than ever before. I had some serious soreness the next day and an angry hip for awhile, but it was well worth that feeling of exhaustion and success at the finish. The best feeling of all was seeing this guy waving at me as I finished and scooping him up for a sweaty hug after. Good thing he’s not old enough to be embarrassed!




Once we got back to my parent’s farm after the race Speedy needed a nap in his stroller. 😄

Posted in Calvin, Christian Reflections, Family Fun, Race Reports, Running, This and That | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

June is Rolling By

It’s June in Minnesota, and summer is in full swing. Well, technically we just had the summer solstice late last night, but it has felt like summer all month.

Speedy is doing what little boys do and discovering joys such as playing in sand, eating crayons, chasing after puppy dogs, and fighting his bedtime because it’s still light out.

I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before, but I strongly feel that being a mom to my son is the greatest joy ever. Ever. I love everything about him, and I hope I can somehow manage to grow into a normal parent who sets proper boundaries, and guides effectively, etc, etc. Because right now I mostly just want to kiss his cheeks and play with him and bring him with me everywhere I reasonably can. Except to work everyday. 😉 I am grateful for our daycare provider, who allows me to get uninterrupted work done during weekdays, and it does make the rest of my mama time even sweeter.

We did our first cutting of hay at the dairy several weeks ago, and the alfalfa fields are already filling into a lush green again. Summer is busy and full of long days, but it still goes so fast!

 I continue to make more progress on my running than I expected, and Speedy still loves the jogging stroller. Both of my typical summer races fall on the same day this year (sadness), so I’ll have to make a choice between my hometown and my current town race on July 1st. I expect I’ll push the stroller either way.

I’m also nervously ecstatic to say I signed up for the Twin Cities Marathon. I’ve got some other great moms I’m virtually training with, and I am pumped to finally run a race I’ve wanted to do for over a decade. I’m honestly busier than ever this summer, for many reasons, but getting up in the wee hours to run is proving therapeutic. I also love the days I can find time for a few miles with Speedy after daycare pickup.

Yes, he’s wearing a sleeper here. This was a particularly cool morning early last week. He wasn’t sleeping well, so we went out together as soon as the dawn was light enough.

June is DAIRY MONTH, so I’ll leave you with a few glimpses of the cows. 

I hope your summer is off to a great start! What do you hope to accomplish and enjoy during these warm months? 

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Spring Races 2017

Running might not seem like the most natural complement to my life as a dairy woman, wife, and mom in rural ‘middle of nowhere’ Minnesota, but this year has given me a fresh realization of how grateful I am to be a runner.

When the stress of long hours, poor weather, or employee problems makes me crabby and short-tempered I know I can find some solace out on the paved trail just east of my home.

I give thanks every time I strap Speedy into the jogging stroller that he enjoys this time as much as I do. I was pretty certain once he started walking he wouldn’t tolerate being constrained in the stroller, but so far he has proven me wrong.

Last night he was nothing but smiles as we got ready to “go fast.” In reality we went for a super easy jog because I’m still a little sore from the half marathon I’ll tell you about in a minute.

The mild spring weather and warm afternoons helped me get in more training than I thought I would, and I did two races in April.

The first was Goldy’s Run at the University of Minnesota. I met up with two of my sisters on a gorgeous spring morning, and we walked, jogged, and chatted together the whole 5K as I pushed my bright orange stroller with a happy little boy inside. He loved seeing his aunties and cousins post-race, and it was really neat to do an event together with family.

We had a small snafu the morning of because my sisters were driving together and they forgot our race numbers. They were almost at the race when they realized, but they quickly turned around and an understanding husband met them along the way with the needed numbers to save time. We all found each other at the start with about one minute to spare, and we will laugh about this every time we think back on the race.

My second spring race was the Earth Day Half Marathon on Saturday. This was my seventh time running it so I know the course well. It felt a little strange to go without Speedy as it’s the first race I’ve done without him since he was born. (Or before he was born if you count the races I did in the first half of my pregnancy.)

If things went really well I thought I could break two hours, so I lined up several feet behind the two hour pacer at the start. Speedy had not slept well overnight and I was fighting a cold, but I was still optimistic. I had no stroller to push and the day was gorgeous. Maybe too gorgeous.

The bright sun warmed things up to 65 degrees by mid-morning, so I was a salty, sweaty mess several miles in. The pace didn’t feel easy, but I could manage it. I decided to try to run as even as possible and stay within sight of the two hour goal as long as I could.

I chatted with a few people but mostly went along in silence until about mile 6. Then I put in an earbud for some music, and a few minutes later I bumped into a friend which was a welcome distraction for a few miles. She eventually went ahead, and I was back to wondering if I would hit my goal.

I’d forgotten how hard the end of a long race feels, and it’s a little disheartening how tough the pace felt at the end. From mile 10 and on I mostly found myself just ahead of the two hour pacer. He was vocal and encouraging, and he kept shouting things like, “Stay strong and beat me to the finish” or “Just another 14 minutes at this pace. You can do 14 more minutes at this pace.”

At the time I found it a little infuriating, but I thanked him at the finish because I think he really helped me keep charging ahead. My last mile ended up being my fastest at 8:36. Clearly I was in shape for the pace, and I’m glad I didn’t just back off at the end when things got uncomfortable.

Official time of 1:59:09 which I am pleased with for my first post partum half. This race has been my training focus for awhile, so now I need a new goal! I’ll probably be spending more time working and less time training out of necessity as planting season approaches, but my littlest running buddy and I will definitely keep getting out there.

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She will be called Parsnip 

Happy April!

A small boy who keeps growing is keeping me on my toes all the time. He walks, crawls,and babbles with vigor. His favorite activity is loading and unloading — whether it be cans and bottles from any non-secured kitchen cabinet, dirty laundry from his basket, or items from the dishwasher if mom turns her back. 

We celebrated Speedy’s first birthday with JR’s family last weekend, and in a few weeks we will celebrate with my side. I thought I would save the photo onslaught until then, but here’s a sample of how much he liked his cake. 

I’m also writing today to finally announce a name for Henrietta’s newest heifer calf. She is 1 month old today, and it reminded me I needed to attend to this.

I didn’t get ANY suggestions on the post itself (sniff), but thankfully twitter and Instagram yielded a few ideas. 

– Midnight

– Shadow

– Nzuri

– Veronica 

– Parsnip

– Radish

The spring weather made me gravitate to the vegetable names, and I couldn’t help but smile every time I thought about naming a calf Parsnip. So that’s it. Parsnip she will be. She was more uncooperative for picture taking than I expected, but here is how she looked this morning. I simply wanted a nice profile or head shot of her standing outside in her yard. Every time I would shoo her out of her hutch she would dart back inside once I was ready to snap a picture. I compromised by standing in the doorway of her hutch and blockading her to take this first photo. She already has her own ideas about how she wants to do things — kind of like my son! 


Posted in Baby Calf Care, Being a Mom, Henrietta (Etta for short!) | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

“Maternity Leave” Reflections

As my son approaches the one year mark I’ve been thinking back to those first few weeks of his life more often.

“Did I spend enough time holding and snuggling and simply enjoying him?”

“Did I realize how quickly he would begin to crawl, to walk, and to have ideas about independence from me?”

Thankfully I have spent many more hours holding and playing than cleaning or worrying about home decor, and I think my smiley boy and my messy house attest to that! But I still feel pulled and torn in more directions than I want to manage.

I vividly remember sitting in my hospital room with my new baby less than 48 hours old and trying to get my mind to focus. I needed to complete an online order for dairy supplies on the laptop my husband had brought to me that morning. My entire brain felt mushy and exhausted as I tried to type and remember what products we might be low on. I later learned some of the intense fatigue could be attributed to a magnesium IV. Regardless, I think we can all agree giving birth is not an easy thing to do.

When we brought our new bundle home the farm didn’t stop demanding attention. Because Speedy had come about 2 weeks early we had to quickly shuffle people around to cover my work, and it was made even more complicated by another employee who got sick and needed extra time off. I knew I wouldn’t have a typical maternity leave, but I longed for one. I cherished the few weeks I spent mostly at home. By mid-April I wasn’t working full days, but I still went to the farm with baby nearly everyday. Between JR and my in-laws they would watch Speedy while I checked on calves, made vaccination lists, and talked with my calf employees about projects. Things weren’t as caught up as they should be, but the necessary things got done. Soon it was planting season, and the days got even more crazy.

During low points I would inwardly seethe when I heard other moms complain about only six or eight weeks of maternity leave instead of twelve. Or just as bad, when they complained that their partner didn’t get as much paternity leave as they would like. Obviously neither JR or I got a lot of time off, and it was a struggle from day one to cover the work that had to be done. The rational side of me knows we choose to work as farmers. It isn’t someone else’s fault that I don’t have maternity leave, and I do have the option of brining my child to work if I have to. Other parents with their own business face these same challenges, and there are many more hourly wage workers who don’t or can’t take adequate time off either. By nature I look at all sides of an issue I’m concerned about, and the more I do that the more I realize no one has an ‘easy’ situation. It’s simple to think the grass in greener for everyone else, but that’s rarely true. We humans are also pretty resilient, and we can figure out solutions to do what we must to provide for and care for our families.

Right at six weeks Speedy started daycare, and I will forever be grateful for the warmth and love our first daycare family provided. I missed him beyond measure, but I always felt comfortable dropping him off. I knew he was safe, and I knew she snuggled him like he was her own. The happy pictures that would occasionally pop up in a text message were bright spots in my day. We are now on our second daycare family while our first works toward a new career goal. We were blessed to find a new spot – for an infant no less – where he is also thriving and happy.

While the past year has had intense moments I realize this balancing act is just beginning. As a farmer I know long and unpredictable hours are my reality. I’m sure I will always feel like the time I get to spend simply doing mom stuff is never enough. This “mom guilt” is real. In my case I would title it something closer to lonesomeness. I know it’s not practical to do all my work right now with Speedy by my side. I know cold Minnesota weather, multiple employees to manage, and open air side-by-side driving are not super compatible with an almost-one-year-old. Still, I miss my boy from the time I drop him at daycare to when I pick him up. I struggle with asking my in-laws yet again to watch him on evenings I have barn work to finish. I feel sadness (and tiredness) every Sunday morning when I wake him by 4:30 a.m. so I can feed him, bundle him up, and take him to Grandma and Grandpa’s while I do chores as quickly as possible.

I love his sweet face and smile more than I knew I could love anything. I don’t love him for what he does or doesn’t do. I love him purely because he exists. I have just one more parting thought to mention. No matter how challenging it can be to arrange child care or accomplish tasks with a baby, I am grateful beyond comprehension for him. I never find myself longing for the freedom I had before he was born. Perhaps this is because the farm has never allowed us the kind of freedom to sleep in on weekends, travel, or take sick days that more typical jobs do. I don’t know for sure. I do love being a mom, and I hope we can share our love and values with his siblings someday too. No matter what I do for work or where this farming journey takes us, I hope to instill strong values in him. Among many things I hope to teach my kids the satisfaction of hard work, the importance of being kind, and the reality that God is always waiting to guide and help in their endeavors. Especially when things seem unmanageable. And I will keep striving to believe and illustrate these qualities in my own life.

Moms, and especially farm moms, what insights do you have for me on managing work, home, child care, and daily living while keeping a smile on your face? 🙂

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