Summer daylight is long. The amount of light we have this time of year is both wonderful and exhausting. It makes me feel like I should be doing more to capitalize on the daylight, and some days I am. But other days, I can see both the weeds and the flowers — the beauty and the mess — and I take a step back to play extra with Speedy or eat a bowl of ice cream.
I’ve always been the type who heavily feels my to-do list. I am always behind on it; usually it’s not physically written down. But I often feel guilty that I’m not doing enough. My house is never clean and presentable, I should be volunteering more, how will I get the stains out of my carpet and Speedy’s shirts?, I need to clean the barn office, I’m behind on moving calves to new pens, blah, blah, blah.
The list could go on indefinitely. You get it, right? It’s hard to feel like you don’t measure up, even if there’s no one in particular you’re measuring aganist. I don’t let it make me unhappy though. I see my blessings clearly and know I live a life of more than plenty. I have a son who absolutely lights up my world. I take time to relax (or randomly fall asleep on the couch) because my body forces me to. 🙂 I’m fulfilled, but I just wish I could shake that ache of always feeling behind. Not doing enough.
A few days ago my parents were in my living room, and as Speedy was running to and fro squealing with delight my dad remarked, “don’t forget that these are some of the best days of your life.”
I love that, and it sticks with me often as I look at my son. Only I don’t think the best days have to end as Speedy grows. I want to see each new day as one of the best days. Amid the balancing act of work and home demands I pray I can intentionally find those best moments and see the joy.
I haven’t written in a few weeks, so I’ll update you on another highlight that isn’t about stress or feeling guilty or pulling weeds. 😉
On July 1st I ran a 10K PR. Crazy, right?? It was cool for a July morning, and I laced up my shoes for a race in my hometown I try to run every year. One of my sisters was walking the 5K with her baby son and another volunteered to watch Speedy so I could run stroller-free. Now I had no excuse not to go for it. I tried to take the pace out easy, but race adrenaline does gets to me. A lot of my miles have been slow and aerobic lately with speedier efforts only here and there. Base building. I was running by feel though and not staring at a watch because I decided not to bring it. (I did start the GPS on my phone so I could over analyze later.)
I know I kept pushing hard through mile 2 and had to back off a little by mile 3. I redeemed myself some from mile 5 to the finish, and I kept trying to gain ground and pass the lady in front of me. I didn’t quite get by her, but that hard effort the last few miles helped me finish with a time of 50:19.
If I would have realized how close I was to breaking 50:00 maybe I could have found an extra gear, but I doubt it. This race was a 19 second PR, and it was faster than I thought I was in shape to run. I admit in the WAY back of my mind I entertained thoughts of running close to 50 minutes if the weather was good, but that was mostly just optimism. I haven’t run a personal best since May of 2015 in the marathon, and my previous 10K best dated back to 2013. It was such an amazing feeling to realize that 15 months post-baby I attacked this race and ran 6.2 miles faster than ever before. I had some serious soreness the next day and an angry hip for awhile, but it was well worth that feeling of exhaustion and success at the finish. The best feeling of all was seeing this guy waving at me as I finished and scooping him up for a sweaty hug after. Good thing he’s not old enough to be embarrassed!
Once we got back to my parent’s farm after the race Speedy needed a nap in his stroller. 😄